i swear i need to get out of this cycle asap
only that someone knows
i am in a state of split personality
i just cant understand myself now
am i going through a feeling where i am going to be a better person
or its a sin for me to go through this shit
or its a bad luck?
but the question is
when can this problem stop?
i guess a lot of people dont understand the way i lead my life
i maybe lead the wrong way but where is the guidance i need
the GREAT up there is always watching for my back
i am thankful but i pray hard it would give me the right path with the right people
i dont know now
has time come or i still have to wait
i am 19 now and i need to set record straight
in years to come I'll be much more older and i cant be the bottom end
i need to get my life back to track
i need my education to support me
and i just need few people to be with me through out this life
honestly to repeat again
i love myself for being who i am
because of my aura personality
i can blend myself with people i just met for about 10mins
be it both sexes because maybe that's what i am till i die
let me take u on my roadside
for work life
i have been able to mix with everyone that comes into my life
and some of them says
hey haikel
amacam(with the cheeky and bright smile) of them patrol officers
i would give them the smile of mine(pasal smile aku manis) =)
and all of us get a bit of cheeky and flirty
then we talk about girls
as my working colleaques
we do talk laugh and all shit
we communicate argue but we still be the same
no hard feelings
just that one night i was doing Security with Sharrifie and we seldom really talk but tat night we just like had guys talk and yeah it sound gay but we were talking about our own lives
my experiences and him
about our past loved lives
it made me respect him
he is riding a spark and he is not like those typical mats that riding and just fuck girls around
he is different man
gua salute lu uh dok =)
one thing i realized is when i joined traffic police and in team 2
my life change
it has its disadvantages and advantages
i seldom played soccer or didnt touch at all
but i started loving soccer when i mix with them
the bonding and those unhappy faces but we still continued life
maybe we guys dont really tell out whqat we felt
but i do for myself and thats y i have a blog
i want people to understand me for who i am
i am so different from some people
but now i now i got this someone
she is not my gf but she is a special friend
she is someone i cn just throw questions without feeling weird
and she is the reasons for my confessions
but i know myself
i maybe the sins of the world
but i wanna get my life straight again when i reach a certain age
where nonsense is a no no for me
when i really get someone special
i am ready to hit the weddin dais
i wanna love my futue wife that she herself feels lucky to have me
when she feels she is in cloud nine
maybe right now i am not wanted by anyone
or people dont find me interesting
then i am sorry but my main intentions right now is to get things back ontack
start having self-help books for myslef
and yeah i thank god for being different then others
i just wanna be the best
and if anyone out there who could feel me and reach me
do tag me and leave details
i just wnat the best for my life
and yeah so on and so forth
i am new person now
:)