my lips are sealed

(:

sometimes certain things are just meant to be kept secret
i know it paints the bad side of me but
what can i do to make both parties happy?
where i myself a re stuck in between?
like i said im gonna be honest with certain people here and
the person starts with J.
you know i like you and all but things are not going the way we or I wanted
well i respected your decisions though and it shall stick that way love
but whatever it is it was never a mistake (;
i am sorry for my side

too bad for me
i just cant find the right companion (;

Honestly
i am tired of all this shit and stuffs
and i myself shall put a stop to it
because i believe in forgiving and forgets
people may hate me for my decisions
but at the end of the day
would you stick by me?NO
i was given a very good wake up call by Shinx
my everyday bliss i must say
she made me see what is bad and what is good
i realise that alot and i should have respected your views and Concern Fazilah
i guess u are reading this now
i am deeply sorry for causing you to have trauma by my stupid actions
i am so sorry for causing all the troubles
and if u have done something to hurt me too
i hope you can put a stop to it so we dont have anymore conflicts
Shinx told me to be direct in whatever i blog and i guess i could follow her footsteps
but there would be flaws and all but what i have to blog is all here
this is my life and this is where i communicate if there is something i am not happy about
i know your bf doesnt want us to prolong this and he have reasons for that
and i respect whatever decisions that comes along and if i am wrong
do tell me in a nice way mine you people im 1989 and there is alot i have yet to see about the world
i am suppose to get ready for work now but here i am blogging because i wish to end this mess
for my pass i am sorry for everything and i wish you can give me a call so we can end it peacefully
i receive alot advises and please give me time to change
i have enough shits already and to shinx
thanks alot for everything and i love you for that ad i love you for standing up for me
and one thing i can say people who are so close to me dont even do this for me
(;.

You always follow the good and the right instead of listening to your heart. Another word, you are a perfectionist. You care for every word people say about you. You often seen isolated while you are, by nature, curious and a dreamer who is ready to get over the edge to make your dream comes true. Your Love, You often fall in love with a person who is much different from you, in age and other aspects. Your relationship grows on friendship. Love at fist sight is not your style.

the paragraph above said about me on my birthday which i found it true at certain parts
but perfectionist is never me
and it says it all i rock in making friendship and stuffs
and i hope for great birthday this year

work was alright
and stuffs and we played boggle again and i am always coming out with stupid words and stuffs
but i am just happy for all that happened
and i wish the best in everything that happen has a reason for it

to the little angel out there
be strong girl
its just another catastrophe
u have to learn the hard way at times
just so u know i am here (;
as always

i hope all out there is doing fine
i am here to update about yesterday's event and today too
it was kinda of a blast actually
In the morning i had my e-trial followed by FTT and Alhamdulilah
i have passed and My TP is on the 28-04-09 and that's another big obstacle for me
and i hope can cross it
insyallah and pray for me yeah (;
Yesterday met Lindaa @ City Hall then we went to makan at this nice place at downtown east and bump into abg shariff and family
anjat boi2 noh =)
had this chicken salad and a meal and thumbs up
then linda talked like there is no tomorrow but whatever it is
i am here always yeah
MAYBANK here i come =)
then sent here home by cab and took her iPod and went off

i am so shag lor
the 12hour shift is killing me
please please go back to 8hours normal shift although its 1 tour
such as 2 mornings 2 afternoons 2 nights
its better that way although
12hour shift is 2 days work 2 days off
Traffic Police went on trial for a month since yesterday but
i dont really favour that much seriously
now they wants to extend it to 3months
what my fuckin fuck
then the planner also dont know what he doing
thinking of himself i guess
but no worries and no hard feelings
but i prefer the normal shift and end of the day u still go home what
it was okay for me actually but when they are extending it and its affecting the dates i am doing my thing and its very troublesome ==
anyways had pizza for dinner yesterday with the team
and had macdonalds later on
and before that Hafawatie happen to be working so i call her extension and this is the most stupid pick up line from her
"hi. welcome to make delivery. hafa speaking. am i speaking to mr haikel?"
i was laughing because she never talk to me very formal and suddenly talk like that
macam merepek kan kau (;

my stomach not feeling well thats why hungry =)
so everything so far so good but i wanna shaare a quote or sentence as i got it from a wise person's blog
here it goes
Although this is a tough time, I am a survivor, I am strong, I will get through this, I will get past this situation in my life."

this makes me a stronger person and i am living by that fact and what i know is
i am back to dating game finally
so chickies get closer =)
but i wanna make it right this time
and i just cant pull myself another heart ache
and i miss my bestfriend
i am so tired
rest time

i always thought there is never a second chance in love for me
but i was wrong
chances keep coming to me asking me to fell in love
but simply i cant do it because i guess my love for the other one stays strong
but that doesn't mean imma heart breaker chain breaker
nope that is absolutely not HAIKEL (:
simply i dont like doing others
i just felt like blogging about love now
u know something readers
i used to be in love and it was about a year ago and till now
i have lost touch in love and dont know where to start
simply i mix with people who care about love and only care about their well being and just having fun but deep inside me i crave for that someone back
but lemme get this straight
i have never had bad intentions or whatsoever
i dont believe in hate taggs and stuffs
because i dont wanna get or feel
KARMA
i hate to take the risk and thats why people took my life away
but slowly i regained my confidence
eversince i step in to walk way of National Service
I tasted hard times and good times
Ever since i step into Traffic Police
i learn the meaning of teamwork and love
i learn lots of things
from soccer to bowling to other stuffs
i find myself ahead of the future
what i mean is
i find myself useful to the world
i have dreams and i have means of achieving it
i wish to share with you some of my unforgettable experiences
i started venturing slowly in acting and it was a small success for me
and i wish to continue it as part of my hubby
My mum used to tell me Fame doesnt last
and its true that people can forget you
but with the substance u have people shall remember you for what u are and so on
i chose to go through bad times and good times
thats when i learn
and i wish to say that i am much more better person now
i dont really like the idea of backstabbing and so forth
i chose to keep quiet and all and just take things slowly
i can see a light of life shining me
its Allah that give me his blessings and also patience
as i was saying about love
if u love that someone set it free
but to let it free and be taken away?
is that what you call undying love?
thats a question we all ask
i wish to state the fact that i still love you and i always yearn for that lovely voice of yours
but i can see it would never happened but deep down i yearn for your undying love
and to response to this guy dont you worry
i dont tag and stuffs ,
i would tell u honestly if i had too
fell free to msn with me yeah(;
so people love doesnt come easily

(:

Congratulations To FIS for winning
and to zeella
you never failed tom impress (;

they say your aura is incredible
if u don't have to go
don't

friends?
they come and go as they wish
but real friends they stay through thick and thin
i have yet to found mine
i thought i did but maybe i was wrong
either i made the wrong move or maybe u don't deserve my all

Gorgeous Lindaaaa & Cheese Brown =)

My friday turn out to be awesome ya know
met linda and her sweet friend Liza @ heeren 8pm
she went for Brazilian Waxing
so now all licin eh lindaa
no more bulus for you =)
went to SAKURA for dinner and sumpah i never go there before
i ordered Chicken Fried Rice
Linda ordered Chicken Fried Rice with Salted Fish
linda abit strange actually =)
Liza Order something but i forget la
we took pictures while waiting and u can see those 2 like ugly jakons kay =)
i managed to finished up food clean as it was very nice

hello everyone
meet this irritating girl from hougang
apparently all irritating girls live there or the ulu2 place =)
her name is Liza age 19
but want to step 17
wake uppppppppppppppppppp girl =)
very nice person to mix with & guys she is available =)
any takers?
she is very jovial and open okay so dont least expect her to be diam2 lepu
she also kuat makan and kuat merepek
i am so gonna get a bite

I have the sweetest smile of sin

well nothing much to talk about or update
just finish my night shift and i am still shag though
although i took leave the day before that
guess too much sleeping has cause my body to weaken
my appetite went down too
i dont eat much like before
but i wanna get fat and lean okay =)
so i can show i am the non-skinny one though
meeting linda later
the girl who never grows up because she is like one kiddy but the cute version la

there is something i am craving for though
a woman for my life
i guess i have been staying single for quite long though
its time someone deserve my love and my heart
and i am not going to repeat the same mistakes when i was with my other ex girlfriend
i cause a big shit too but it takes 2 to tango =)
no hard feelings the other one
well u can contact my brother by all means
but do respect me by tellin gme things he tell you which u think its not right
oh yeah my brother is capable of making good dramas =)
so better watch out and i dont want coming runnin to you okay
but hey peace to you okay
i just meant it to be nice and sweet
its 2009 babies and i have set a new record for myself and i know i can be someone all of you love to share
and yeah i am so tired now,gonna take a nap before meeting the kiddy
so long suckers =)

The Capital E with Randall Myself And -iForgotHisName-

When all were practicing lines,i just cant resist myself talking to the girl
nest to me and E captured the moment (:

End Of Day and Finally a Group Picture Taken (;

A Finale Picture taken With Daren from the Little Nyonya and The Cast

fuuuh
its been really a day of hectic schedule for me yesterday
jam packed from 9am-12midnght
i was so deadbeat by the time i reached home
morning went to meet brother adil with dad and do some errands
get a haircut and went straight to the filming ground at Orchid Park Condominium
took a cab there and E joined me as i called him for the shoot
we reached there around 4pm and slack around with the others as our scene were like around 7pm onwards and we ought to wait though
so ours was more like calefare and it was worthwhile
lots of chinese girls actually and pretty hot and tempting okay
lets the pics d the talking too
and yeah this shoot is about a drama thats gonna aired on 14february 08 @ channel 5 Starting Michelle Chong And Darren from little Nyonya
be sure to catch Randall Tan n Action too
its worth watching and details are not out yet
would inform you once its out (;
for now lets keep it hush2 yeah

and to shikin who tag me for being there
thanks for the tag though although this 2cents the smartypants seems harmless
buy hey i u felt what i felt
thank u so much okay (:
and cant wait for that event thats gonna happened

& best of luck to FHUNKIE STYLERZ for this saturday's comp
make your mama's proud (;

my eyes are pretty heavy now
but this seems i cant sleep yet
i have lots to do at a time
firstly i have do a calefare tomorrow
from 0330pm onwards with E and Hafa(if she doesnt have to work)
at Yishun Park Condominium
thanks a million to cordelia for the slot
really appriecate it so much though
although its kinda last minute but hey
its what i always wanted to be
spotlight and stuffs
slowly but eventually one fine day when i am stable enough to face all criticisms
=)
and yeah this one bloody guy got onto my nerves
i wanted to give him this slot but he thinks its like
"Jual Jubur Scheme"
so fuck him off and who needs friends like him
duit aku tak bayar nak banyak berbual
what the fuck but hey i am cool la =)
work has been pretty fine though
so far so good
been gelling well with everyone
stay all they way
i still got 11months to go before i eventually ORD-OHHHH!=)
i have planned my life well
just need a lil motivation and advises here and there
I'll be achieving my dreams like a normal person
roam the streets and make flowers bloom
the sweetest sin of my smile

since 2009 came
i been really thinking about myself
about the simple mistakes i did and the stupid shits
i realised i was really dumb at that time
but there is always room for improvement though
some things just dont go the way i wanted but i know its all god's will
but one fine day
you see me on top not just alone but reaching out my hand to you
=)
i seriously need 2 sleep now
good night everyone
and yeah
to 2cents
i appriecate the tag there
but i was lost and pissed off due to the fact its bought with my won money and all
try being me and leave a name please
and yeah u deserve 2ocents from me
hahah=)

its 1255 in morning now and i am still awake
although i have lots of things to do tomorrow before starting work at 2pm
thought of dropping by mum's shop at St Joseph around 10am
and slack for a while
i have a very important task to do tomorrow and i pray hard i get approval
and today was very tiring for me though

wake up at 8am and get ready
took leave just to go cycling with
Ismail Linda Zul Myself
they were late as per normal
so we started our journey from
Pasir Ris-Changi-East Coast Park
and it was a helluva tiring okay
linda's tyre burst halfway and we couldn't continue our journey
then got a this malay lady with family did the extra mile of helping us
thanks to you we are much better after that(;
we stopped by at burger king around 2pm for lunch and i ate super lot
and my stomach is growing yeah
then we cycle again back to pasir ris and reach around 8on
its very hectic and i lazy to elaborate (:
i had lots of fun though

i am just a lilttle confused about myself now
the reputation the stand and the oaths i say
i am scared i couldnt fulfilled it and people would be dissapointed and thingk negative of me but what do they didnt know that is very hard to get away from this life cycle
i am so confused about this.no one i can turn to except Allah
and i hope it would give me guidance to be a better person

and to my special friend
do your best in everything
u have my support and your loved ones eah(:
keep smiling cheeky(;

and on top of that
my brother lost my hard earned camera
and he is going to pay back okay
its my own camera and he can lost it
what the hell
):

Updates Updates Yaw (;
well first and foremost
i am dead beat even though i don't really go out
except going to work and back home
my body's not functioning properly
although my appetite has grown up
i have been eating more and there is side effects
bloated uneasy stomach
but i am sure it would go off soon

so yesterday attended the In Service 09
very boring but next month's is interesting though
we gonna go Orchid Country Club for Paint Ball Event
so its gonna be super fly with the team around
finish around 6pm yesterday and slept like a log till 11p and couldn't sleep for the next 4hours
and go to work just now sleepyhead (:
today not so busy still can managed
Mr World is back in his shit already *grr*
burden or what

well yeah
here's a little update
the other half of me is gone
no more i guess
i dont want to hegeh2 contact you and stuffs
u seems busy so i wont disturb you
sorry for my flaws but if u wish to come back
by all means
but u guess u much more happier with all your friends
u dont need me
u dont have to call me
so i just live my life as per normal here
but whatever it is
i am just a call away uh
selamatt eh (: